Dear Lord, What am I Doing???

Hello all!

So, it’s been far too long since my last post but since then I have completed a Goruckwith the momma, and I survived S.E.R.E. Basic in Boston with an amazing team. Since I'm a glutton for punishment I have now signed up for an Ultra Run, that's 50 miles in the Vermont Mountains. Yup, I've gone batshit. Oh, and just two weeks after that I'll also be rucking the 60 to 60 Ultra Ruck held by S.E.R.E. Performance. If I survive the month of May I'll be friggin amazed. 

Technically I was talked into the 50 miler, and it was completely beyond my control. See, Andy from Spartan Race posted that if anyone completed the 50 miler than they would have free entry into the Ultra Beast taking place in September. Then my Workout Momma Lynn said she was doing it, then Sarah, then Ivana signed up as well, I was seriously obligated to complete this event with an amazing group of women. Now we are going to have an amazing time I'm sure, I just hope they realize how slow I am.

                                                                                    

Dear God....

I hate running. It pains me. It makes my legs hurt, and my lungs burn. As I run I often think to myself "Dear Lord strike me down now so I won't be quitting, I'm sure being struck by lighting is far more pleasurable then this jogging thing." Instead I think god does this...

God is laughing at me and my quest to run. 

So today i actually ran with my mom, I realized early into it that she has a much faster pace than I and after awhile I was sucking wind badly. I hate that I'm slow, it really just annoys me. So tomorrow I might try the Fartlek thing, anyone care to join me?

What's One More?

Aren't my momma and I cute?

When I was in my junior year of high school my mom decided to train for a marathon. You have to understand that exercise was never really a big thing in my family, yes we are all yo-yo dieters but actual exercise, other than the occasional Tae Bo class, was really non-existent.   So with less than 6 months of training time she started running. When her running partner got hurt I thought for sure she would quit, but no she kept on running. At 45 years old my mom ran her first marathon in 6 hours. I still cannot begin to say how proud I am of her. Since then she has kept running, she’s run 5k’s, half marathons and even completed a sprint triathlon. She told me that when she first started running she felt like she was going to die every time, but now she enjoys running. She gets up every morning to run; it’s now a part of her routine. 

I love my mom but I hate that she loves running.

So I bet you've been wondering what I've got up my sleeve, haven’t you? Haven’t you!? Well, I figured since I sign myself up for every other idiotic race or challenge I can, find I might as well run a marathon. I can't hate running more than I do, can I? Here's the big question, which marathon should I choose to be my first? Which 26.2 mile even will pop my little marathon cherry? 

Also what the hell am I thinking?

Seriously though, isn’t anyone going to talk me out of this?

Why Do You Do This To Yourself?

Average cost of a Goruck Challenge: $120 Time: 12+ hours Distance: 20+ Miles

Cost of a Spaartan Sprint: $45 Distance: 5k plus obstacles

Cost of a Spartan Beast: $115 Distance: 10-12 Miles plus obstacles

Cost of the S.E.R.E. Performance Challenge: $125 Time: 12+ hours Distance: Unknown

Cost of the Goruck Scavenger: $120 Time: Uknown Distance: Unknown

Now factor in the cost of travel and expenses...got it?  Why the hell do I keep getting myself into these things??? Because there is some little voice in the back of my head telling me I can't do them. I've come to call this little voice the "Little Bastard", because that’s what he is. He's my fears and insecurities, he's right there when I think my butt is too big or when I can’t run as fast as my mom. I hate him, I loathe him, I wish he’d just shut up already and leave me alone. At the same time I hope he never does.  He’s the one I beat down every time I rise to meet a challenge, he’s the one that has me driven to finish. When I’m cold wet and miserable and he’s telling me “I told you so!” I’m smacking him in the face and keep on moving. Everyone has a version of the Little Bastard, he makes us doubt and question our abilities. He is the biggest motivator I have. I beat him down with every challenge I complete, because I know that if I don’t he’s going to get really loud and really obnoxious and he’s the only thing I’ll hear. There was a point in my life were I let the Little Bastard control everything I was doing, right after high school when I moved out and into to college, I didn’t do much of anything. I didn’t go to my classes I didn’t eat what I was supposed to hell I barely slept, I let the little bastard win. I still regret it, I made some huge mistakes that I’m still paying for today. With each challenge I overcome I can only hope that I’m making myself better for the future.  It’s why I’m running, it’s why I’m working two jobs, it’s why I’m going back to school, So that Little Bastard doesn’t win. I will win. I am the master of my fate.

Flight Leaving From Ft.Lauderdale......

When in reality you need the flight to leave from Tampa. I’m going to chalk this one up to me being a complete idiot. I know i checked the flight a thousand times but somehow it wasn't until I was driving to the airport I realized “Oh hey! Um I’m going to be stranded in Tampa! Awesome!” Then it sunk in, that Oh Shit feeling that happens when you realized you’ve made a mistake. It only took a frantic call to Southwest and another hundred dollars to get a flight home tonight. I’m starting to think I might have to cancel my adventure in DC, because of funds being so low. I hate being broke.

The Atkins, Weight watchers, Zone, South Beach, Nutra System, Alli, Oh SCREW THIS! Im Eating What I Want!

I'm a firm believer in portion control. I'm completely convinced that if you exercise more and eat in moderation you can be healthy. There’s too much focus on being skinny these days, I would love to lose a few more pounds but I’m healthy that’s what’s important to me. Eating in moderation and exercising is all you need to do to lose weight. That’s it people, that's all you have to do there's no special pill, shake, food, or program that makes you a size two overnight. Losing weight and being healthy isn’t easy but if you aren't going to treat your body like the temple it is then who will? Do you know what my temple deserves? Chocolate, real, amazingly good, expensive, and dark chocolate. 

I’m never going to deny myself food because it’s not in my “diet plan”, I will never think about the calories I’m wasting on food I enjoy. I work hard so I deserve some chocolate, and not just a cheap candy bar. I deserve a bar from Godiva because if I'm going to eat chocolate it's going to be good pure and expensive. When you splurge on food, go all out. I work hard for my money and I won’t waste it on a Hershey bar that I kind of like, I will invest in 50% to cacao, sprinkled with fleur de sel.  Good food is worth good money, think of it this way, you are investing money in the incredible machine your body is. Would you put cheap gas in a Ferrari? No, you would put premium fuel to get all you could out of the finely tuned automobile. As Americans we have made everything so cheap that it no longer satisfies to eat. Tell me when has a cheeseburger from McDonald's ever satisfied you? When has it ever made you exclaim, “Dear god that is the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life!” I know I have never said it and I doubt you have either. You’d think that if we didn’t love what we were eating we would stop eating it. If you don't know what you're eating stop eating it! If it's cheap and processed and you probably wouldn’t give it to your dog why are you eating it? There shouldn’t be guilt in eating, I’ve heard it countless times “How could I have eaten that?” “How many calories do you think that was?” My family does it all the time; we make ourselves feel guilty for eating the food we enjoy. I refuse to do this anymore! I love food and I will always love food. Guilt has nothing to do with eating, unless you stole the food from a starving child, feel blessed that you have the funds to buy amazingly good succulent food.  Eat and be merry then go for a walk. Ta Da! Now there’s a diet plan I can get behind.